Life ...

Life was we know will change forever in about a week.

Our family will forever be increased by one. 

I am truly in awe of this and so excited

and absolutely terrified ...

Please pray for Lexi and little Christian

Due to her medical condition -- its been a somewhat high risk pregnancy/delivery/baby!

God has had His hand on them thus far ... and Lexi was prayed for a few months back and God fell SO STRONG, you couldn't help but know He is in it.

Sometimes the flesh is a little weak .... Josh's faith is strong.

Arrival Date Scheduled for 21 March 2011

It is a planned delivery and she will have to stay .... its not a 24 hour kick you out kind of stay.

Please pray .... thank you....

love, michelle

6 May 2010

Thought I would take a moment to check in ... its been a rough few weeks.  

Michelle needs some constant -- it's like its one new season of life after another this past year. 

I go to the hospital on May 21st for a PET Scan.

Believing and trusting God for it to be clear -- it's really all I have.   Appreciate the prayers.
I've started stressing already ... and I have over 15 days to go ... then I go see Dr. S on the 27th for results.
(deep breath)

Stephen has been working almost every evening and hub doesn't get home till about 8pm.   Needless to say the house has been VERY quiet.    I'm adjusting.  One of the main problems I have is meals ... no need for dinner that late.  So, we'll see ....

Stephen has an appointment at KU on Tuesday morning, and then graduates on Saturday.
So glad I don't have to deal with the whole high school thing anymore-- college is so different.

Might I add, please don't ask me "when I am having surgery" -- I am all too aware of what I lost -- it really doesn't bother me until someone asks me, which makes me think they are trying to "picture" what i don't have it or something triggers when looking at me.  Please, just give me a small break.   Please don't ask me how I am -- or how the cancer is -- I thought you believed God healed me.  At least that's what you say one minute. 

I think I need to move .... just to have people who don't know me.  Oh, and my hair is LONG, its not been cut and just because it isn't as long as yours doesn't mean that I have done something wrong.  Or I am not in the right according to "our standards"   God knows that I never laid a scissor to my hair, never pulled it out ... but of course it had to come out.   I'm sorry that the prayers were never answered regarding losing it, but I actually never lost all of it.  I didn't want to lose my hair -- for many reasons -- and to be honest later on after losing it, I didn't want to deal with those who would judge me for the decisions we made.

You can't know what you would do unless you walk the same path and are faced with the very same decisions as someone.  I can think all I want to about what I would do .... but unless I am faced with it, I don't know.   

I seriously thought 'all the drama' was over -- I want to go on and live my life and do the very best for God that I can.  I want to make my life count -- which was my prayer this morning.  I am no hero, I am scared -- I'm a tad weary -- but my strength truly comes from Him.

Ok -- enough of that.  Can they just give me a break??   Their words need to stop at their brain before they leave their mouth.

Let's go on and live life, live for the Lord and follow the paths He has for us...in harmony.

K ?

December 23rd

OK -- taking deep breaths here ... that kick in the gut feeling is back.  Hate it.

Off to last Radiation Treatment at 1100 -- I will be in treatment at 1145.  

Then off to see Dr. Shwaiki -- I know he won't check/do scans and such.  But just the thought of going and not knowing ... its scary.  

Another appointment alone.   That has been one of the worst parts of this journey.  

Then I go and get fitted for the prosthesis ... the insurance will cover that in full.  (before Dec 31st!)

Have to get onions ... to make spaghetti sauce.     Come home and clean up a bit -- dusting and such.  I will wash all the floors tomorrow morning.  Its been raining so keeping them clean should be a joy.  Dogs and rain and mud don't go together well.

We have church service tonight.  I will make a last run to the stores tomorrow morning... after checking my lists and checking them twice ...

Pray for me ... my heart is heavy today.   My spirit is disturbed.   {sigh}

Courage

Courage is not the towering oak

that sees storms come and go;

it is the fragile blossom

that opens in the snow.

Alice Mackenzie Swaim

Young Survial Coalition/Kansas City -- In Living Pink Gala and Reception

One for me and one for JoJo!  

Processing ....

Been doing a lot of praying, thinking and I'll admit, having a little pitty party.  BUT, I've been in this place before ... and have no doubt I'll get the victory over it.  The Lord has done some amazing things thus far ... why should I doubt Him  now?   He never promised that the road would be easy, just that He would be beside us all the way.

Thanks much for your prayers.  I've been doing a lot of praying for others, in an effort to not think about myself.   My faith must be in the Lord, not man.  God is so much bigger than us.  I'm human though, so ...

Alive ...

Feeling a little rough today, but amazingly not too awful.

Just want to thank the Lord for everything today ... they closed it without any problems, the surgeon had thought there might be some issues. God saw to that. No cancer on the right at all, waiting to hear back from the pathologist and doctor about the left. IJN -- no cancer left behind. Still believing God for that first prayer to contain it, He's answered so many and we are just claiming that one!!

Sarai's been hanging with me at the hospital -- I have a very good daughter. Our Pastor and his wife came to pray and Reverend Conn from Topeka came to pray as well. Sis Hilton came and visited last night and Sis Shannon was there at 0700 to be with me before I went in to surgery. Thanks so much -- you guys are the best. Lots of phone calls and texts -- thanks for caring about me, it means a lot. Its hard to care for someone who is ill, especially longer illnesses, it means a lot of sacrifice on their part, but know it is very much appreciated!!!

I know the journey isn't over yet and we are thankful to the Lord for walking with us and thankful to you all for all your prayers and support. God is so good to us. God will get the glory in this trial.

Don't Say She Lost ...

I've been reading a blog called the Fat Cyclist for a little over a year -- reading it more because of what he writes about his wife's fight with breast cancer. It's not odd, that I read about breast cancer, I've been a supporter of the cure for years now. Why? Perhaps the Lord put it on my heart all those years ago.



I haven't read it in over a month -- after reading that they raised OVER $500,000 for Team Fatty for the Livestrong Challenge Team. That was just amazing. The internet puts people together in an amazing way, I know there is a lot of bad, but there is also a lot of good from it.



I was so sad to read that Susan passed away, she would have been 43 on Tuesday.
43, God, that hurts. So young.



Cancer -- especially breast cancer just stinks. That just puts it mildly. After reading it, I just could not focus and went to bed. Sleep definitely frees your mind and your demons.



Taken from their blog:



"Susan’s part in the battle is over, but she didn’t lose.



She led the charge.



She showed the rest of us how to fight: with determination, focus, creativity, and outrageous endurance.

Now it’s up to the rest of us to Fight Like Susan."

Help us win.

Remembering September 11th

A good day...

Feeling pretty hopeful today! I did crash about 9:00pm last night ... hub was already snoozing and aside from one potty trip, slept pretty well.

Very thankful to the Lord today.

I hadn't shared with my boss anything, he just knew something was seriously wrong last week. He asked Beckie over the weekend, if she heard anything yet. I decided to wait until I knew more, because he worries. A lot.

He was going to make Hazelnut coffee (gag!) and I said, wait till I have surgery before you make that. He spun around. "What?" I told him "I have a date, AND the tests all came back negative for more cancer!" He shook his fist in the air, kind of like, YES!! Tears barely escaping his eyes. He kept saying, "That is great news!!!" And he said "Give me a hug, I'm so happy for you."

I'm thankful for a wonderful caring boss today and co-workers who care about me. Praying the light of Jesus Christs shines through to them.

Thankful to the Lord for His healing touch. Thankful to all who have prayed many prayers for me, and those who continue to pray for me. May the Lord bless you greatly.

Have to give a quick shout out to the Lord for answering some prayers for Josh -- he is about to be majorly promoted!! Now, we just need a new (new to him) car. Taxiing is no fun. Lexi's blessing is next. =)

Thankful Thursday and Plan C or D ...

As always, first and foremost I am thankful for the Lord Jesus Christ, His saving grace and healing power. I'm thankful for all the things He has done in our lives and doing behind the scenes for us.

I'm thankful for family, good friends and peace like a river. God knows my heart and I'm leaving it in His hands today.

I'm praying my mind can stay there as well.

Change of treatment AGAIN. So, there will be a plan C, D, or E.

C - surgery first

D - radiation, then surgery

E -- the unthinkable. Pray this doesn't happen. Not claiming it.

No chemo yesterday (which in itself, isn't a bad thing!) since the tumour hasn't shrunk in 3 weeks (last visit) -- (And I have a story to tell about that, no time this morning though...) for whatever reason (but we are believing answered prayer!) I am seeing the Radiation Oncologist this morning at 1030. Dr S wasn't sure if the surgeon would be able to do surgery yet, but on my last visit 9 weeks ago, she did seem like she could and it is smaller than it was then, so he wanted me to see him today about radiation and shrinking it more so that I could have surgery. He did say he was calling the surgeon too because his first choice is surgery to remove it. Wow -- this could happen really quick, and a prayer I prayed when I found out surgery wouldn't be in July, was that as soon as the wedding was over, we could get this thing out! So -- an answer to prayer?? Amen.

He was on the phone with her (yes, we were eavesdropping!) when we left. I'm thankful my husband came with me yesterday. I needed moral support -- without even knowing I did.

The surgeon's nurse called and left a voicemail last night and said that Dr. S had called her doc and they wanted to see me on Friday morning at 0900 to schedule surgery. I'm not sure if its just to schedule, or to look and then schedule. Either way, its a tad scarey.

One MAJOR concern we have, OK I HAVE, that we need prayer for. My hub keeps telling me one of the first prayers we prayed was that God would contain the cancer. Dr S wants me to do scans on Friday afternoon to see if the cancer was spread. {huge sigh} I have been having some pain, but of course that could be the enemy and normal aches from white blood count recreation etc. I'm a little scared.

Dr S did say, "He doesn't think it has, (spread) but needs to check, because that would change the entire plan." {sigh} NO KIDDING. (That would be the unthinkable plan E) I REFUSE TO GO THERE TODAY. I'm hoping Sarai can come with me, cause hub isn't able too. And of course, we GET to WAIT THE ENTIRE WEEKEND FOR RESULTS. UGH! The stuff they make you drink for the scans hits my body horribly. It was ugly last time. Please pray it hasn't spread and thank God for that first prayer.

Josh had called and I asked him and Lexi to pray, and he said, Mom I'm not worried about that at all. They'll open it and find there isn't any cancer left. Its just a big blob of dead stuff. Gotta love his faith. Stephen I will not tell because he doesn't have that faith right now. It affects him differently. He keeps a lot of stuff in. Could be causing the stomach problems he is having and saw the doctor for. She mentioned it, and said you are like your mom and keep stuff in.

My ankle is doing okay, I have the boot. I can tell how weak it is when I walk without it, and it gets painful, but I believe the Lord touched it after the outreach team prayed for me Monday night. I'm hoping their prayers touched the cancer mess too! =) Sis H said she is going to put me in padded room, I may need one after all this is over. LOL! Thanks for all the prayers guys!

My tooth is doing well, its healing and no bleeding. One worry Dr S had. My hair is growing back, it looks darker now, not so much grey.

I'm thankful to the Lord for keeping this cancer contained (and gone!). I know He has the ultimate plan for me. I need to rest in Him. He is working for my good.

A sister came up to me in church and gave me this scripture that she said the Lord told her was for me and her ... during our current trials.

Psalms 46: 10
Be still, and know that I am God:
I will be exalted among the heathen,
I will be exalted in the earth.
11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our refuge.

Thanks for the prayers -- have a blessed day!!

A Brother in the Lord in Heaven tonight ...

Bro. Eugene Newkirk left this world a few hours ago into the arms of his Lord and Savior. I was sad and after talking to his wife, who emphatically assured me not to be, he wasn't suffering any more and "He was in Heaven" Amen. He will be missed. Please remember his family in prayer.

I don't know for sure exactly what Heaven will be like, but its undoubtedly wonderful.

My new treatment went okay -- I would get sick instantly from that A/C chemo -- and honestly expected the worst. But my system handled it well, my nausea is about a 2 on a 10 point scale, where with the other it was a 20. ugh. Actually one of the new drugs is a biochemical. It stops cancer cells from reproducing and in effect kills them off. Its a relatively newly approved drug ... 2005 or 2006 ?? I just pray the Lord uses it to Heal my body. The tumour is much softer today and easily pressed, not like the rock its been and the redness is better. I'm praying that means its shrinking away from the skin. I do have to take the Neupogen shots starting Saturday for 5 days -- they make your bones ache. I feel relatively good -- much better -- those A/C treatments really affected everything for the last 6 weeks.

The house is still a wreck from the painting -- I need to go dust a bit before the men get home.

Its beautiful in Kansas today ... the sun is shining and its not too hot. I worked today and earned my paycheck -- I'm thankful for that. My co-worker brought me 2 bags of asparagus! (its been known to help with cancer ...) She is just showing she wants me to get well.

As well as the sister who loaded me up with Juice Plus vitamins. Thanks sis.

With the Lord's help I will be well, healed and whole.

I'm trying to drink, drink and drink. Very important. Going to be a few potty breaks tonight. I've been awake since 2am ... steroids ... but hope to get some rest tonight.

I'm believing...in what I know it true.



Image credit.

Memorial Day

In honor of those who gave all ... thank you for your ultimate service/sacrifice for our Nation and its people. May your families be comforted by the Savior today and always.

Memorial Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the last Monday of May (May 25 in 2009). Formerly known as Decoration Day, it commemorates U.S. men and women who died while in the military service. First enacted to honor Union soldiers of the American Civil War (it is celebrated near the day of reunification after the civil war), it was expanded after World War I to include American casualties of any war or military action.

A New Day

I'm thankful to the Lord for new days, new beginnings, new starts ... new moments to go forward from. I'm still taking the pain meds/motrin, but thankfully its not as bad and I can function. =)

God is so good to us, we'd be amazed if we knew everything He did -- I know there is much we never see or know.

My husband is off today and has a 3 day weekend! Of course right now he is outside mowing. The boys are still asleep. Stephen wasn't feeling well at all yesterday and basically slept on and off the entire day and then was up all hours of the night. Poor guy. He so wants a job for summer and he is applying.

I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted yesterday but today is a new day! I'm going to make the guys some Whole Wheat Waffles with Strawberries/Bananas and bacon. Do some house chores and head to town. We have a list from Home Depot to get some things done at the house, I'll stop at the store and church to pray. Later this afternoon, we'll head to Kansas City and the Great American BBQ Festival. It looks like fun. I know enough to stay covered from the sun. I didn't have a treatment this week due to my tooth issue so physically I am doing well.

Next week is full of appointments -- Doc on Tuesday (?), Cancer Class on Wednesday, I'd really like to go to this but need a partner and hub has to work, and Thursday is a scheduled treatment. He is absolutely unable to take me this week because his boss took the entire week off and he can't just go. I was actually at work the past 2 weeks for most of it, just 6 hours of sick leave and 5 of that was because of the tooth! Our busy time at work is coming up because this class graduates and we have to inprocess a brand new class. They need me there, I NEED to be there to do my job.

Sunday we have a special speaker at church and boy can he play the guitar and sing!! I'm looking forward to that. How to do my hair? Well, that is going to be a challenge. I wore a pink cap to prayer meeting last night -- and thankfully no one said anything except Joanna! Of course she wanted to wear it. I need to get her a pink one so we match.

Monday we have a church BBQ for Memorial Day at the Park and then we have some friends coming over after to talk about wedding plans and hopefully to get some fellowship time in.

Oh, that photo at the top is for Space Adventures II -- Blasting Off with Jesus!! I rented that for the June 14th day. It looks like they'll have a blast and I plan on getting in there too!! By the grace of God ...

Have a wonderful day/weekend and thank you for your prayers ... the Lord is good to us and provides our every need.

10 Resources for Finding Free and Cheap Things to Do This Summer

Courtesy of The Simple Dollar -- its a great blog to read by the way!

Psalm 27 -- my hub read this to me last night, and said it was for me. It's for you too!

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

4 One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.
5 For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.

6 And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.

7 Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

8 When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.

9 Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.

11 Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

12 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.

13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD

Tuesdays ...

Still struggling a bit with nausea today -- I opted not to take any more of the meds today. Trying to do without -- I can't believe it lasted this long! I feel old today -- my bones ache, and a journey of 100 steps feel like a million. I can't believe how tired I am getting so quickly.

But -- I am thankful to God today for touching my body and my hair. Please keep praying about healing and the whole hair thing! It doesn't want to cooperate much -- but I imagine its the effects of the chemicals in my system.

I crashed on the chair about 0730pm last night -- made it the sofa when my hub came in from the outside -- and then crashed again until I made it to my bed and up at 0430 for work.

My hub is starting to plant all my new fruit bushes/trees. It's a a lot of work! But its looking good!! I'm thankful for him -- he's been a huge source of strength to me, it hurts my heart to burden him so. I told him that he didn't sign up for this!! =(

We see the surgeon at 330 -- please pray that the Lord directs our steps during this season of life.

I've had better weeks ...

Struggling with the after effects of this treatment. During prayer meeting last night I went forward for prayer, and felt pretty good until about 3:00am -- I hope this doesn't end up being a very long day. (sigh)

If you would again, please remember me in prayer ... thanks so much! I missed 36.5 hours of work during this last pay period, please pray about my leave and job situation too.

I have an appointment with the new surgeon on Tuesday -- if she says we can do surgery, we're going forward with it.

Here's a huge victory report -- Its shrunk some!!! Another answer to prayer.

Have a wonderful day -- enjoy it doubly for me!!

Did you by chance get the license plate ... of that truck?

I tried to post from my phone this morning, but could only go so far as the title!

I had my port inserted -- let's just say, it felt like a truck hit me by evening. (sigh) It's a bit sore today too -- I did NOT let them use it for my infusions today. I wimped out. Just keeping it real here.

I left the house about 8am and made it home about 4pm -- long day. I did get the CT Scans of my head, chest and abdomen and pelvis done. They also did a bone scan. In Jesus Name -- they are all clear!! We find out Thursday. My hub will be taking me to that appointment.

He has been looking into some nutritional things to do -- which basically makes the body a place where cancer can't grow. They are some interesting things which we learned which are a fact.
We are going to start implementing some of them. No hocus pocus stuff -- all food products basically and absolutely NO SUGAR. We found that it feeds cancer -- and you know I WAS a candy freak -- well that's over. I'm not feeding my enemy. LOL!

Thanks for your prayers -- they are greatly appreciated. Again, I want to thank God for my healing and walking with us during this season of life.

I did get a photo of the 1,000 cranes in the treatment room -- although its on my phone, but they all hang down from a big square light in the middle of the room. I had Rachel --who got my IV done on her first try. I vented a little about my doctor who did the port -- who I did not care for at all. God will show him. I like Rachel -- she's a super nice lady and nurse.

2nd Round of Chemo -- Done!!

I just wanted to start this post with thanking God for my healing. I honestly believe that it will happen, its just not happening in my time or how I think it should be done. I am struggling a bit with discouragement this afternoon -- I felt really good this morning, but now at 3:15 -- not so much. Maybe it from all the medications in my system? I need to start drinking some fluids.

Lots of appointments in the next week. I go for all my scans tomorrow. CT scan of the chest, brain, pelvis and stomach as well as a bone scan. Pray that they are all clear. Please.

Monday my port will be inserted -- and then Thursday is the first round of the "hard stuff". Friday I have to travel back there to get a shot of Neulasta to help my white blood counts. Which I understand might make me feel like I have the flu. It might prove to be a rough few days.

I have a bunch of prescriptions to fill -- who knew? The nurses all said to take them whether I felt sick or not.

Thanks for your prayers -- for healing, hair, and peace in our souls.

They have 1,000 Cranes hanging from the ceiling in the treatment room. 1,000 Cranes for Healing. I thought that was so cool. Click here to read more about it. Image Courtesy link!

I plan on taking a photo when I go back tomorrow to show you all.

Special Prayer Request

Please remember our family in prayer these next couple of days -- we are believing God to take care of a situation that has arisen this past weekend ... we just made the enemy mad, is all!

Edited to Add: God is working things out -- just trusting and believing Him for it!!

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Have you scheduled or completed your mammogram this year?

Please call now and get this done -- your family will thank you for it.

(Image courtesy of Allposters.com)