Pink Pride!

It's that time of year again -- I'll be collecting and sending in a day or two after Christmas.


Lids must be pink.   You can mail to my home.
If you need postage reimbursment, let me know and email for address!

 Thank you!

Happy Anniversary to Me!

One year .... truly by the grace of God ....

Sad Day....

Tonganoxie High School -- lost one of their Seniors last night.   They lost Jeremy a few months back and a teacher as well.   That's three just this school year.


Connor Olson, Tonganoxie student who bravely battled cancer, dies at 18 


Please remember their family in prayer -- he has younger siblings as well.


Stephen said school was like a tomb.  They had the Chieftain room ready for students to come and talk and get help that they needed.  They were at the school last night after he passed away ... he was a tough kid. 


Please say some prayers for Stephen -- Connor was his bestest buddy for most of junior high -- but drifted apart in high school.  Doesn't make the hurt any less.


Then Sarai called me and asked me when my next scan was.  Uh, in May.  Scheduled for another PET Scan.
I guess she had a dream.  It has really been a totally stinky day.  Pray for a cure for this terrible, terrible disease.

April 10, 2010

Laid to rest a tiny baby goat - "Little One"

Josh and Lexi are moving into their own home.

While I will miss my son and am definitely experiencing the empty nest syndrome -- it's not all that bad.
It's hard to live with another female ... especially one who .... (and you can think what you want ...)

I am thankful for the Healing the Lord gave me.

And for all your prayers.

God is good and He gets all the glory.

In Jesus' Name.

Amen.

April 10, 2009

One of the most horrible, no good, very bad days of my life.

517pm (or so) Dr. Conner called with the news that the first biopsy showed invasive cancer cells.

Totally sucky day.

Things to Remember

1.  Your hair WILL grow back, just not as fast as you want it to.
2. Wearing a hat really isn't that bad.
3. God is bigger than cancer. 
4. The devil is just a big fat liar.
5. Don't read blogs about women with cancer -- especially those that are not doing well.  Ugh.
6. Your faith and trust are in the Lord Jesus Christ.
7. He has you in the palm of His hand, and He knows what He's doing -- so quit worrying.
8. Live life to the fullest, wherever you are in life. 
9. Love, live and laugh and smile more.
10. Take time to listen and just enjoy the moments instead of looking for the big things.

Doc Visit Update

Radiation went well -- it usually does.  They gave me a graduation certificate and a prayer shawl for healing.  I'll scan a photo in later this evening.

Got my prosthesis and two bras!!  Awesome.  Those things are heavy and they are the ultra light?  Woah.

Then went to see Dr. Shwaiki.  He's still as quirky as ever.  The short of it, is I do a full Pet Scan on Monday morning at 0730 sharp and a brain MRI on Wednesday morning.  This isn't a precautionary thing, he wants to make sure it didn't spread.   For a lot of reasons, which I'll write about later.   I've not had a pet scan before -- more information can be found here.  Pray its clear!

I'm handling things okay -- believing and trusting God.  IJN!

Extra prayers can't hurt.

December 23rd

OK -- taking deep breaths here ... that kick in the gut feeling is back.  Hate it.

Off to last Radiation Treatment at 1100 -- I will be in treatment at 1145.  

Then off to see Dr. Shwaiki -- I know he won't check/do scans and such.  But just the thought of going and not knowing ... its scary.  

Another appointment alone.   That has been one of the worst parts of this journey.  

Then I go and get fitted for the prosthesis ... the insurance will cover that in full.  (before Dec 31st!)

Have to get onions ... to make spaghetti sauce.     Come home and clean up a bit -- dusting and such.  I will wash all the floors tomorrow morning.  Its been raining so keeping them clean should be a joy.  Dogs and rain and mud don't go together well.

We have church service tonight.  I will make a last run to the stores tomorrow morning... after checking my lists and checking them twice ...

Pray for me ... my heart is heavy today.   My spirit is disturbed.   {sigh}

#31 ...

It's a little scary to be at this point. No treatments after Wednesday. I am the type of person who HAS to do something.

Truly I have to leave my life in the Lord's hands, not keep putting it there and taking it back. Again and again.

Ya know, there is no cure for cancer.

That's a sobering thought.

I never thought that I would be at this place in life.

I wondered yesterday if that lump they found in 2003 was actually cancer and God healed it.

In that case, this is my reoccurrence. Scary thought. But if God can heal me once, He can heal me a thousand times.

I probably shouldn't have scheduled my appointment with Dr. Shwaiki this week, I already have too much on my mind and heart. I kind of chuckle at people for getting so dramatic over their simple trials. I kind of wonder what they'd do if they actually had a horrific trial. But I guess to them its horrific. There are definitely worse trials than this cancer was. Most definitely.  Josh seems to be going through it ... I think we all get fought as we walk with the Lord.  Guess that means we are doing something right, huh? The enemy has no need to fight with someone who isn't right.

I turn 44 on Friday ... and am thankful for those 44 years. The Lord truly has been good to me. My mom had me when she was 44 ... so this year a lot of dates and numbers go together. I had my surgery on September 23rd, which is when my husband was filled with the Holy Ghost. My last chemo treatment was August 12th, my mom's birthday.

See Dr. Lindstrom today and RT # 31 .... going to try and finish some last minute stuff and make some cookie trays for co-workers, hub's, Lexi and Josh's work ... we'll see.

Appreciate, as always your prayers as I journey into life without seeing doctors every day ...

On the Home Stretch ...

Feeling a little melancholy ... 4 more treatments and I am finished.

A little scared now.   Ok, A LOT scared now.

My life and health have always truly been in the hands of the Lord.  

It's so much more so during this season of life.  Well more of a daily thought, because our lives are in His hands.

To God be the glory ...  thank you Lord for carrying me and walking with me during this past year.  Thank you for strength and the desire to take one more step when I didn't feel I could go on.

You are an amazing Savior and I love you with all my heart.

Thank you for choosing me to serve you.   

Trying ...

Today .. the year 2009? ... has been particularly trying to say the least.

I am beyond tired ... been doing lots of thinking -- mind battles mostly, thinking of just giving up.  Tired.

Weary of the battles ... they seem constant.

Work was horrid -- we've been gone for 3 days and they decide we need to have a 90 minute at 0830.
{eyeroll}  Then they tell us we will have to compete for our job ... nice.  I gave up a promotion last year because this job was said to be getting one.   I do know it was the right decision -- because I know I would not have gotten the support at the other job with the whole cancer thing.

At church last night -- God moved in a mighty way.  Another sister in our church has cervical cancer.  Cancer sucks.  It robs you and steals things from you.  She was getting prayed for and I could feel it all the way over where I was.  Woah.   I went to pray with her -- and  you know what went through my mind?  Because I could feel her pain, I knew her struggles, I knew her fears, I knew the overwhelming crushing blows she felt ... because I had felt the same things.  I thanked God for that.  Without the cancer, I wouldn't have been able to relate in such an intimate way.  God is going to do amazing things through this ... if I could just get through it all ... but I will.  I'm tough.  The Lord made me tough.

My co-worker will be leaving as soon as the door opens ... I want to pray that God will not allow it to open, but it pains me to see him so unhappy.  He deserves better.  {sigh}

Who knows, I may not even qualify for my own job??  LOL   Now that would be a hoot!

Hurting

Been up most of the night with severe pain in my left arm (radical side) now numbness and loss of strength.  Not sure if we would have went to the ER at 3am -- if anything could be done.  Still debating going.  I don't have a primary care -- what to do?  Your thought?

This week has been BEYOND lousy.

153

Still have about 6 weeks to go!

Thanks so much.

Do you have enough hats?

I had to drop records off at the doctor's office yesterday afternoon and stopped in Target to look for new tennis shoes.  A lady stopped me and said "Do you mind if I asked you a personal question?"  Uh no.
(thinking, okay I wonder what this is about??)

She asked "Do you have enough hats?"   {grin}  She is a 3 year breast cancer survivor.  Young lady with 3 little people in her cart.  She said she has about 50 and is looking to share them.  How nice.

I've been having a pitty party lately -- and she really brightened my day yesterday.

Of course this morning, we are back to the party.   I didn't turn the radio on until I made it to the front gate of post because I spent the time talking to the Lord. 

Do you know, its NOT very nice to lie about your brother or sister.  Not nice at all.  God don't like ugly, as Ann would say.  You are supposed to prefer your brother.  Enough said.

Anyways -- this song came on.  I've not ever heard it before.   The video is a little rough, but the words spoke to my heart.  I cried.



Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say

Wordless Wednesday ....

Decisions...

Good visit with the surgeon yesterday, healing nicely and no fluid build-up in the flaps. I don't have 100% mobility in my left arm yet so I will see a physical therapist for a few visits to fix that up. Dr N was glad to see me with hair and I told her that I hadn't felt this good in months. I feel much better than even before my diagnosis. Probably due to all the supplements I take now and my change of eating. (uh, and no chemo!)  I have been walking again too. Chipper loves that, I’m sure he missed it.

My blood pressure is still high 151/94. I have blood pressure meds, but I don't take them. I want to take my BP out of the doctor's office, but now impossible at the free machines because I can't take it with my left arm. So ... ??? I keep telling them its location that causes it, but that is probably not the case.

It was a beautiful day here in Kansas yesterday ... sunny and 70 degrees. Absolutely wonderful.

Hub and I then went to see Dr. Wall -- the Radiation Oncologist. A super nice man, he didn't have some of my history correct though. I know and keep very good track of all that’s gone on, he actually looked in the chart because he insisted. Well, he was wrong. He also said it was impossible to know if cancer was ever in my lymph nodes or not. {shrug} We decided to just be foolish enough to believe the Lord contained it and it never went there. He explained and answered all of hub's questions ... {sigh} Still believe that God will be the one to do the ultimate healing, but to be totally honest, I’m afraid not to do it. It’s not that I doubt God, maybe because I’ve relied on myself for so long, maybe I don’t have enough faith to just not do anything, probably a combination of all of it.

Radiation won't change my reconstruction procedure -- it will still have to be a TRAM Flap reconstruction . I've read it’s a tad painful after. I can't get the implants if I do radiation, and to be honest, I’m not sure if I want them anyway. I’d rather have my own stuff inside me.

Radiation would be six weeks ... no changing that. Higher doses in some areas especially the scar. They have to be very careful as my heart is right there. He said it would give me a higher percentage of it not recurring ... 30% more. Which is quite a bit. He did tell us he would recommend a doctor at Providence which is about 30 minutes from my job vs. an hour. I really like St. Luke's -- but an hour is a long drive x 2 x 5 days a week. He said fatigue and skin irritation is the problems, but of course it doesn’t come without risk.

Please remember us in prayer .... it doesn’t seem like this will ever end … that kick in the gut feeling sure is familiar. =)

Courage

Courage is not the towering oak

that sees storms come and go;

it is the fragile blossom

that opens in the snow.

Alice Mackenzie Swaim

Young Survial Coalition/Kansas City -- In Living Pink Gala and Reception

One for me and one for JoJo!  

Processing ....

Been doing a lot of praying, thinking and I'll admit, having a little pitty party.  BUT, I've been in this place before ... and have no doubt I'll get the victory over it.  The Lord has done some amazing things thus far ... why should I doubt Him  now?   He never promised that the road would be easy, just that He would be beside us all the way.

Thanks much for your prayers.  I've been doing a lot of praying for others, in an effort to not think about myself.   My faith must be in the Lord, not man.  God is so much bigger than us.  I'm human though, so ...

Doctors ...

I definitely did NOT have the greatest visit with Dr. S today.  {sigh} He definitely put a downer on my day.

Lots to process -- I already know a lot about my type of breast cancer, and basically it has a high recurrence rate compared to the others.  Ok.  I get that.  But that doesn't mean it WILL.  God is in control of this ...

I did find out that I have had a rare kind of breast cancer.  I wanted it to be different, as in treatable, but not that kind of different.   Blah. 

As always, it doesn't make it any harder for the Lord.  My trust and faith are still in Him.  I knew at the beginning of this trial, He would be the one to do the healing anyways.

He did say he had NEVER had a case with a cyst like mine grow with fluid in it.  The fluid did have cancer cells, but we knew that.  But I definitely am one of a kind, huh?  

Lots of decisions.   #1 -- Radiation or not?   That's a huge one.  Daily for 5 days times 6 weeks.  That's a lot of mileage.  I know the doctors are only looking out for my good but  ... they don't have God in their scientific equations. 

As always, we covet your prayers.  Its just a little downer -- the enemy can't stand us to have that much victory.   IJN!

Join Yoplait in the Fight Against Breast Cancer ...

I've started a team to collect Pink Lids -- will you join me in the fight against breast cancer?

My team name is Team Hope!   Giving glory to the Lord for hope in the battle.

One of my thoughts is how ladies do this without the Lord?  I cannot imagine.  I'd like to be a part of the fight to win this horrible battle.   I'll be collecting lids through the 3rd week of December -- will you join Team Hope and help me?  Yoplait will donate 10 cents for each lid collected to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

You can read more about the program here and there is even a coupon!!

If you'd like to mail them to me, please just leave a comment and your email and I'll email you my address.

Thanks for joining me -- there truly is Healing and Hope during the Fight!!