One month ... 30 days ...

I realized this morning on the way to work that today marked my one-month anniversary with my diagnosis. I don't live and breath and think about cancer 24/7 now, not that's its gone but it's not forefront on my mind.

Please continue to pray about my healing (which I believe is coming/came) and the whole hair thing. There has been an increased amount in my morning brush ... (sigh) I know the Lord knows how much we can handle, but I doubt myself that I can handle this.

We did have a good visit with the surgeon yesterday, we both liked her and felt she was very honest with us.

I'm still not feeling up to par -- but I know some are interested, so I'll post some highlights.

-- She is gentle, compassionate woman, and we believe very honest.

-- No, she will not do surgery now. It's too close to the skin and she needs it to shrink more so that she will have skin for the plastic surgeon to do reconstruction. It pushes against the middle portion of my brea*t. Its still way smaller than it was, and we praise God for that.

-- She will see me in 2 weeks and check the progress, which is the best we've gotten. At least she will. If it shrinks enough we don't have to wait for their plan of chemo to be over. That's months down the road they think I should walk.

-- She stated that just because 2 lymph nodes showed swelling does not mean at all that there is cancer in them. I have (had) a wicked infection in that breast so it could very possibly be that. We are foolish enough to believe God answered the containment prayer. Can I get an Amen?

-- I have to be on antibiotics again.

-- I'm still nauseous.

-- She did say that she has noticed with progressive treatments, that the affects get worse.

-- We asked her about "natural" treatments. Her answers surprised us. She said that, Yes Vitamin C does prevent cancer. She said as far as the B vitamins - she would not say a specific type -- that it does NOT shrink tumours. And left it at that. She did say to talk to my Doc about what I was taking. Right now -- food is about all that goes down, and that depends on the moment.

-- At first, my hub was upset about the vitamins, but on the way home in the car discussing this, I realized that she only told the absolute truth. B17 does NOT shrink tumours -- but it does kill the cancerous part of them, therefore only shrinking the cancerous portion. But if the remaining tumour part is benign, it will leave that in your body. Very interesting!! I know by law she is liable for anything she tells us, and in a round about way she confirmed what we know about the vitamins.

-- We asked her what if it doesn't shrink more? She said then, we'll deal with it and go from there. So, they'd do surgery anyway. Skin or not. (sigh)

-- I've been assigned a Patient Navigator to assist with anything I need. 24/7. Wonderful lady -- cancer survivor herself.

-- She did question why I had 2 incisions for my port. Normally the breast surgeon does your port but mine changed as I did not have one at the time. No one mentioned a word at the hospital about it, but apparently they couldn't go through one vein, and had to use another. I still don't care for for the doc who did it. I didn't mention alot here, but we did file a complaint.

He doesn't need to do what he did, I'm pretty tough, but I can imagine a more vulnerable person-- they would have lost it. My doc was going to email him personally as it wasn't the first complaint he received about him.

-- Apparently I have a sensitivity to medical tape -- my right side is still a huge red mess.

-- I had a nightmare last night, actually repeated nightmares about this next chemo treatment. In the dream they were forcing me to do it and I was having to run away and hide. Whew! I'm not sure I'll go through with it. I just need the Lord to confirm what he wants me to do.

-- Any and all smells are extremely intensified right now -- its just not the norm for me. I never had a problem when I was pregnant, but this is ugly. I actually hold my breath or cover my nose, so I don't lose it. Yucko.

-- And yes, I did think I would be feeling better by now ... I can't imagine it worse. Or maybe I can and that's why I don't want to do it!!

-- My husband is absolutely committed to seeing me well -- he's a gem.

-- And yes, God (waving!!) you still have my utmost attention. I'm listening!