November 13, 2009
Friday ... No answers yet

Visited with the nurse yesterday afternoon, who in turn visited with the doctor this morning. I have to hold my arm up above my head and grab a bar -- I've never had a problem doing that and keeping it there the entire time. Couldn't do it. Had to put it down between treatments and treatments last 10-15 seconds.
No answers really. I did ask if she thought it was cancer in there but she said no. I know, I know. But I AM human and I think I am just getting a tad weary. Ok, a lot weary.

Feeling run down today and not well at all. Supposed to be flying on a plane Sunday morning ... {sigh}... I do not want to go if I am sick. I've scaled back on my vitamins, but I did feel so much better taking them. Or it’s just that I haven't been ill since the first part of April. Cold -- sick, not chemo sick. Still take B17 and the multi vitamins-- but not the rest. I may take them this weekend and Monday and Tuesday while gone to see if it changes how I feel.

Please pray for me. I don't want this cancer back, and the Lord knows that too. I think its all been too much lately. I think our whole family is tired, no, I know our whole family is tired.

Been reading a bunch of thankful posts on Facebook -- and this isn't a slight -- just what goes through my mind. A lot of them have been thanking God for their health. You know .... I did do that. I did it quite often in fact. For my children too. Makes me wonder and questions things with this cancer. But I try to remember, that it could be worse ... so I am thankful for my current good health and IJN it will stay that way for His glory. When I start not feeling well, I get all wiggy about stuff. But ya know, I felt fine when the lump was there. And I was sure it was nothing ... only it wasn't nothing.

I have to stop and thank God for Him healing me completely, 100% in every way. Some day God will use this and show me a touch of the whys.

I did get a great report from the OB/Gyn -- negative for HPV and anything else. That was awesome.

In the meantime -- please pray about this arm pain thing. I wrapped it in hopes that it was pressure inside causing it. (from nodes not draining...) It still hurts -- so I'm not sure that's it. I did move a few heavy things this past weekend but not that much when helping Sarai, but good night! But it could be because of my arm not being well yet. {triple sigh} The nurse questioned lymphodema -- IJN not that at all. But there isn't really noticeable swelling. Just lots of pain and heat doesn't help it. The nurse did tell me to wrap it for the flights. I'll go see a lympodema specialist next week if it’s not better. I'm to baby it for now.

Tomorrow is our anniversary. I have a very good husband. I don't appreciate him enough -- but he's an awesome man. He works hard to provide for our family -- long hours. He has to work tomorrow (of course!)

The puppies are growing and it sure is hard to get good photos of them. Still missing Taco's presence in our lives. But its better. Some things still catch me off guard and I've lost count of the times I've called Mini - Taco!

I go for a treatment today and then I think I will go home and lay down. I have chores to do ... but they probably won't happen, I need to pack for the trip. I have everything work related ready to go -- and probably just need to take it easy tomorrow.  But of course I want to be sure the house is clean and there is food ready for them to eat or Lexi to cook.  I told them I'd give them a list of the things I do everyday to make sure it all gets done.  LOL!  {eyeroll}  So not happening...  thanks for the prayers...

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