Memories of our friend ...

He loved to be with people ... much prefered that to anything else, even running free outside.  He tried to come with me when I left for the doctor's this afternoon, but I had hub hold him.  My last time to see him.  I remember looking back up the driveway at them, not knowing it would be the last time I saw my faithful friend alive.  

Not sure why it's hit so hard .. but it's hard ... I've cried, screamed, weeped, fallen to my knees, its been such an overhwhelmingly hard year, the loss of him has definitely brought me to my breaking point. 

I hate feeling in limbo ... not sure what to do next, and not really wanting to do anything.    Taco went upstairs with Stephen last night.  When it was my time for bed, I went into my room and shut the door.  Seconds later I heard him coming down the steps.  I went back over to the door and there was this little guy peeking under the door wanting in.  Miss you buddy.

His dog ID.   He'd been coming with me in the afternoons to pick up Stephen from school.  He would sit on the console between the two front seats.  Didn't matter that he was leaving his food behind.

Always wanting to be next to us humans.  God -- I need you to help me stop hurting. 

I'm so very sad. 

Me with hair earlier this year before BC.  Chilling by the wood stove and of course having to have a dog on your lap.  Love you buddy. 

I hate death, I hate grief, I hate cancer.  I hate the devil. I hate this kick in the gut feeling. 

I wasn't ready for this, I don't want him to be gone.  You can not imagine how much of a comfort he was to me these last months being on the back or in a chair for so many days of it.  He would always hang out with me above everything else.  He knew I needed him.  I could depend on him  I am missing him so much.

Its like a tomb in here ... quiet ... we've all cried.  Its entirely too early for bed too ...

it promises to be a long night. 

I know God is still on the throne and God is who will help us through.