June 25, 2009
Fear ...
I looked up fear online today -- and found it interesting.

fear  /fɪər/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [feer] –noun 1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights.
3. concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for some one's safety.
4. reverential awe, esp. toward God.
5. that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear.

When I first came to the Lord back in 1990 -- I was attacked spiritually and had a healthy dose of fear. There was one scripture, that I repeated to myself over and over to help me overcome.
I even had a dream repeatedly about my fear -- but later the dream was interpreted and God was showing me in the dream how to overcome my fears. If you are wondering if it worked, it did.

The verse ? Its short and simple, but very powerful, nonetheless.

Psalm 34:4 (King James Version)
I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears

I do know that fear is not of the Lord -- its of the enemy.

Its not an easy road that I'm walking on during this season of life, I'm not sure of what the Lord's plan is for me and my life. I'm unsure of the reason for all this, except perhaps I am needing to make some changes in my life. I'm trying. I'm humble and willing to do whatever the Lord wants.

I'm struggling with praying -- its hard to pray when you're sick. Some mornings it takes all I have to get out of bed and make it to work. I just want to lay there and do nothing and succumb to the demands of my body. This chemo is no picnic.

But, I'm not a quitter. Never have been, never plan to be. So, I get up and just do it.

I'm also not laid back and things are not progressing fast enough for me ... I just want this thing out. I know now how to keep my body healthy (hindsight is a wonderful thing...) It is going to take a lifestyle change, but I'm okay with that. Its something I think the Lord had been dealing with me about for the last year or so, but I did alter many things, just not enough.

The day at work is almost done -- lots to get done at home -- there's no rhyme or reason to the house right now -- with the painting going on. And its just plain HOT here in Kansas! Ugh.

Thanks for the continued prayers -- total healing, tumour shrunk/gone and cancer free. IJN!

(blogger won't let me add a photo, but I will later!)



Anonymous Michelle said...

Hon remember that in those times you can not pray, the angels intercede for you. If all we can do is groan God hears us and He knows what we need.

Blogger Crystal said...

Will keep praying for you!!! God is faithful!

Here's a scripture that helped me a lot going through our long infertility journey...
Hbr 10:35 Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.

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