April 27, 2009
Today makes Day 14 ...
The road hasn't seemed to get any less rockier -- I did really well with the first Chemo tx.

Honestly, I'm unsure where we go from here. The doctor said we should see it shrink 3-5 days after the first treatment, well that's today, and I'm watching it ... I can't even go there if it doesn't. Plan A will make a dramatic change as far as Dr. Khan is concerned.

I feel like people are judging my faith in God because I did go for the chemo treatment.


Do you honestly think it didn't take some faith to do that?? (shudder)

We have so many decisions to make, its not even funny.

Its much easier to say what you would do when you aren't actually faced with it yourself.

If you are not living it.

Hello world I'm living it!

Its not just a tumor that they can cut out -- its a huge thing -- they think the cancer cells are floating around my body -- and chemo works best for destroying fast growing cells.

We do go to another doctor today ... for a second opinion.

What to do if he recommends the same thing?? Questions??? God I need answers.

I wish God would just speak audibly and tell me what to do.

My husband hesitates to tell me what to do -- Its just some very, very hard unknowns.
Do I believe God can perform a miracle? Absolutely.
Do I believe God can use a man to heal? Absolutely.

But what is the plan for my life? I'm 43 years old -- there are so many things I want to do yet in life ... go on a mission trip, play with grandchildren, pray those grand babies through to the Holy Ghost, win souls for His Kingdom. Enjoy some years just my hubby and me. So, very, very much ... and I believe He will heal me, but I just don't want to miss the plan He has for me...

Here's my shoes, if you'd like to wear them for a while, frankly I've grown weary of walking in them ... then let's come back and chat, what do you say? I'd like your take on things after that...



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