February 2, 2010
Overwhelmed ....
...feeling a little overwhelmed (again!) -- not sure what brings it on, except possibly not feeling well.
I have these "new" pains/twinges throughout my body, well, I've had them since the surgery and they always scare me. {sigh} I had them before the PET scan and MRI -- but they let doubt creep in.

I'd just like to go through the day without worrying and stressing. I didn't sleep well thanks to my brain not turning off and the dogs wanting out at 0130 and 0330. Of course when I left this morning, they were all curled up in the bed asleep. {eye roll}

Things are quiet at work right now, which is okay. My work place isn't perfect (by far) but in hearing how things at other people's, makes me thankful for where I am. Plus the added benefit of meeting about 125 people a year and calling them friends, and being considered a friend by them.

Heard from a past Sri Lankan officer and he posted a photo of Jason, Noah and I with him and his wife on facebook. His caption "Some of the best human beings I have ever met in my life." What an honor, he is a pretty awesome human being himself.

Katie doesn't have congestive heart failure (thank you Lord!) but she does have a bad case of pneumonia. I told Josh what happened, he said "That's because of prayer, God changed the outlook." Amen to that.

He also answered a prayer (MANY prayers) about a missing passport. Yup, our (U.S.) state department visa office lost it; at least for a while, it amazingly showed up after being missing for about 7-8 weeks. Thanks Lord.

Stephen decided he wanted to move to Austria because of the snow (for snowboarding) -- I told him, I think in the grand scheme of the country, if the people that live there DON'T want to live there but move here, you might want to rethink that thought.

We found a home for one of the two Great Pyrenees we have. How heartbreaking. And yes, I am a sucker. Even my hub said he looked totally bummed about leaving. He has been together with his mom his entire life and now he gets shipped off to an 80 acre farm in the middle of nowhere. But he was impossible to keep in and the neighbors didn't much care for that. Of course, the mom carried on last night missing him. Poor babies. If you don't think animals "feel" sadness and grief, you can just keep that opinion to yourself. I've witnessed it -- and frankly don't care if you don't think they do. THEY DO ANYWAY. {grin}  They really are loveable dogs -- very very sweet. 

Nothing much going on -- my vacuum quit working, so that has to go in the shop for repair. I vacuum everyday with the animals and the boys that live in my house. Hub cleaned the carpet in the hallway for me last night. Thanks Babe!!

I was working on a baby blanket for a sister in our church -- and I hate the fabric! Ugh. Needless to say, I didn't make much progress. I was so frustrated; I just folded it up and put it back in the bag.

If you "do" facebook, you may have seen those iHearts that are sent.  They have all kinds of them.  Well, someone I know must have received one from someone -- it was a Breast Cancer Awareness one.  I don't send that particular one, I am well aware of breast cancer and don't care to be reminded, although others really need to be aware that it can touch anyone.  No one is exempt, young or old. Male of female.  If I had been "aware" I was at a greater risk since I had fibrous breast, I definitely wouldn't have put off my appointment by a month after finding the lump and thinking it was just another cyst.  They don't tell you that and THEY SHOULD.  OK -- off that tangent.

I don't mind receiving them either -- because I have a few in my iHeart area.  To me it just means they were thinking of me -- and that's awesome (and appreciated).  Well, in this particular case she posted it to her wall, and put something to the affect "it makes me know or think how lucky I am".  
Not sure why that "hit home" -- but it did.  Josh said that needs to be put on the fail booker site.  (He's been a huge support to me) I don't think I am unlucky because of that stupid cancer, I don't think that the Lord loves me any less because of it.  He will use it for His glory.  And I don't think you are lucky because you didn't get breast cancer yet or ever.  Luck doesn't have a thing to do with it.

I don't know -- it was just like a slap in the face to me, although I know she didn't even think of me when she wrote that.  Yesterday was one of those times, when I wanted to go through my "friends" list and hit the X. 
I mean just like coming here and reading stuff you don't want to read, then just don't come to my blog.  It's all a choice.  It's your choice, just as its my choice.   I need to choose NOT to read those things that bring me down, cause me to hurt and ache and be afraid.   Just like not reading those blogs about cancer -- the bad ones -- the good encouraging ones == well sure.  So -- debating to delete just for the sake of sanity, but I imagine feelings will be hurt in the course of things.  Of course, it matters not if mine were.

I think I rambled enough -- if you would, please continue to remember me in prayer.  My prayer is that the Lord would bless you for that!! 

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You know I don't believe in luck good or bad or fate either. Life is just life good and bad and it rains on the just and unjust. Love and huggles dear sister!

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